youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My bed smells like the plague
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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