Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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