Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
wow bdsm is so cute
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
