in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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