i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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