I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
