I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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