her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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