so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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