I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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