Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
