the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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