he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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