i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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