I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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