Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
