So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
