My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
