why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
3 2 1 whiskey
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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