So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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