You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
