At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
