Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
