dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
