Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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