This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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