so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
