Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
