help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
