woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
