i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
