I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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