I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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