Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
