we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
