i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
