girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
