just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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