I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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