Im at strip club and am horny
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
