He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
