why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
