quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
