This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
