too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
