I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize