I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
