Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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