I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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