it was like eating out sand paper
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
