remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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