Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
