Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
