i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize