Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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