No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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