So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
