you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
