this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
