I think I am morally bankrupt
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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