Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
