Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
