You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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