I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
