And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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