my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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