I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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