I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
