Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
