she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
